Og: Unearthed Play Report.

It's summertime and my friends at uni were bored and wanted to play some TTRPG, so I stepped up to DM Og today. It was probably some of the most fun I've ever had, for about 90 minutes (It being good only for slapstick comedy oneshots seems to be the common consensus). In Og, you play as caveman. Og rightly recognizes that playing as a caveman is an inherently silly thing to make a game about, so it doesn't take itself seriously. The main mechanics are:

• You know about 5 words, from a list of 18. You must only use these words to communicate. You may also grunt, gesture, point, and draw stick figures, if you're feeling fancy.
  
• The simple d6 system includes critical failures: "On a roll of 1, the GM thinks of the most disastrous, humiliating result
  (short of outright killing you) of your sudden lapse into utter stupidity, and then describes it to you."
  

Og Character Sheet

What happened, basically (Italics is DM speak).

My players took less than 10 minutes to all make their PCs, and then we got right into the adventure: As you're out hunting for food, you see big T-Rex in the distance. It sees you. What do you do?

I suggest to the players to use their words to come up with a plan, but it's mostly a lot of "ME GO BANG BIG!" and "Go water!" before they all decide to do their own thing. Gnurshk successfully climbs into a tree. Hoha and Ooboo both try to hide in the same bush and hit their heads as they both rolled a 1 (I wasn't sure just how bad to make nat1s yet), wasting precious time before the T-Rex arrives. I ruled they'd get two turns before it can reach to attack anyone not yet gotten away. I brought one spare sheet, thankfully, as Bongo runs straight at the T-Rex with a rock. It bites him, but as it runs over him, Bongo seizes the advantage and throws the rock straight into it's butt. The T-rex yells "YEEOWCH"! and runs off. 

Near the top of this tree, Gnurshk has feces thrown at him by a monkey. It starts raining. Gnurshk and some nearby cavemen friends pelt this ape with rocks and whatever else nearby, before suddenly- lightning strikes at your tree!. Gnurshk picks up the ape and throws it into the fire at the top of the tree before quickly descending. Ooboo spent the time using his explore skill to find a nearby cave to take shelter in. A little bit of metagaming ensures the party all follow Ooboo, despite him not being able to formulate his idea in character (He did only get 3 words to use, so I understand). 

You take shelter from the storm in this cave. The PCs start a fire and dry their pelts. Bongo, the designated strongman of the party now, keeps watch at the cave entrance while the remaining PCs venture further in. You find two kittens, one asleep, another one feeding itself off of a lizard carcass bigger than the both of them. Bongo, you hear a feline growl as a Sabre-Tooth tiger approaches you. The party all immediately opt for violence and kill the cubs, before going to help Bongo in the fight- , Carrying the kitten corpses with them there, they greatly anger the tiger. The tiger kills one PC and runs off deeper into the cave.

A new "Grunting" caveman is made. They have the power of causing wild magic to appear on a 1/6 chance (and a 1/36 chance of this magic catastrophically failing). Gnurshk blindly heads deeper into the darkness of the cave while attacking blindly in front of him, before allowing his fellow caveman to make a torch. He rolls a 1 (I didn't prompt him to roll anything...) so I use a player-suggested terrible fate, and have him fall down a cliff in the cave. Between a tiger fight and taking a little bit of damage to their Unggghh poitns every time they fail a roll badly, they're a bit hurt now. 

Ooboo's Finest hour (We were laughing to the point of our sides hurting during this sequence) .

You all descend down deeper into the cave safely with Ooboo's crafted torch. Deep winding passageways reverberate the tiger's hisses. What do you do? Ooboo, being a technical genius, a learned caveman, a diploma holder from the caveman university (We joked that we IRL study at caveman university, being that our Uni is one of the lowest rated in the country), decides to craft a bow to use against this tiger. He rolls a 1, and accidentally lights himself on fire while crafting. He takes off his clothes to stamp them out. Please roll a passive romance check to see the size of your (I gesture to my crotch) hoo-ha. Ooboo rolls a 6. He is gifted by the gods with a massive dong. He stamps out his clothes, and only his underwear remain, which he then takes off to use as a bowstring.

The Sabre-Tooth tiger appears, enraged that you killed his younglings. The PCs win initative, but are still likely to die here. Gnurshk attacks with his club. The new PC, "Fire", rolls for Grunt and gets double 6s. Bongo rolls lift to use Ooboo's massive dong as a melee weapon (Bongo had ample rocks to throw, but his player isn't famed to sexually harass NPCs and PCs alike for no reason). Bongo succeeds on his check, and Ooboo rolls a 1 to use his new bow. I rule Ooboo's arrow gives him an impromptu circumcision. Bongo still uses it as a melee weapon against the tiger. I decide Fire's strange magic causes his cock to grow massive mid-attack, and with the thickness of a tree trunk, it instantly kills the tiger. The PCs all having food and a place to sleep, they rest and the session ends. 

DMing Og tips.

• Enforce the "You may never address your fellow players out of character." rule harder. I was a bit loose with this. 
• Make enemies have a lot less health to keep combat brief.
• Give your PCs props to play with.

Prop Rock and Club of cardboard. Your players will know what to do with this.